Special Data Science for a Special Day

April 1 calls for a very special kind of data science, and that’s what this whiteboard video is all about. Tune in as Data Scientist Shaylee Davis shares some fresh ways to look at big data and how Elder Research is revolutionizing everything from timekeeping to predictions.

Whether you’re interested in the 42 V’s of big data or ways to make time work better for you, we hope you enjoy this lighthearted video!

The 42 V's of Big Data and Data Science

In 2001, Gartner (perhaps) accidentally abetted an avalanche of alliteration with an article that forecast trends in the industry, gathering them under the headings Data Volume, Data Velocity, and Data Variety. We’ve expanded this list to include some other V’s to consider. Explore the 42 V’s of Big Data.

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Video Transcript

You can’t know what I’m thinking. But have you ever heard of the three V’s of big data? It’s when we consider the volume, velocity, and variety of our data. What about the later coin, four V’s of big data, where we also consider the value. This list has been added to, where we have the seven V’s or even the ten V’s.

At Elder Research we have the 42 V’s of big data and data science. You can find them all fully explained in this article by Tom Shafer. At Elder Research we have the vision for boundless innovation. Not only do we consider the validity and the visualizations of our data in every single project, we consider the vaticination.

We consider the viscosity. When I asked ChatGPT how they felt about the expansion of the three V’s of big data to the 42 V’s, they gave me a list of 10. Ten V’s, ChatGPT? How vanilla. At Elder Research we’re not only revolutionizing how we consider big data, we also apply that innovation to our timekeeping methods.

If it’s 2 o’clock in Alaska in local time, I know it’s 5 o’clock in Central Standard, and I know it’s 6 o’clock in Eastern. These might be important things to know before I pick up the phone to call a friend. Well, what if I don’t want to convert to local time? Another way I could consider this time is Universal Coordinated Time.

It would be 10 o’clock in all three states. Now, those are two great ways to think  about time. When I asked ChatGPT, “What are the most efficient ways to think about time?” ChatGPT told me, UTC is it. I say that is so blasé, passé, trite, with no variety. Here at Elder Research, Evan Wimpey has laid out multiple ways to consider methods of time.

You can find the article here. Now, Bayesian time, static time—those all are possibilities. I would argue our most productive time at Elder Research was when we were operating under static time. It was 12 o’clock all day, so we finished boundless amounts of work in just one hour. Revolutionizing timekeeping?

Been there, done that. Reconsidering big data? Old hat. Now we’re on to the latest and greatest. Absolute Futurism. We can predict the future with 100 percent certainty. When I ask ChatGPT how to predict the future with 100 percent certainty, they say it can’t be done. They suggest using historical data analysis.

Who am I—Descartes? They suggest statistical models. Am I Bayes? Simulations? Boring. With our new revolutionary technology, we can predict the future with 100 percent accuracy. We knew when the Red Sox were going to reverse the curse back in 2000. In fact, we know what team is going to go through a 90-plus year World Series drought.

Stephenie Meyer? We knew Twilight was going to be an overnight hit, and we invested at the beginning. In fact, what you’re most curious about, March Madness 2024, we can tell you who wins right now. But just know with great power comes great responsibility. Now your organization might be thinking about implementing LLMs like ChatGPT.

That might be great. Just know you’re possibly 10 steps behind Elder Research’s patented Absolute Futurism, where we predict the future not with marginal certainty, but with 100 percent accuracy. I am so confident in this I even know what you’re thinking right now. Don’t believe me? Check the beginning of the video.

So if you’re vexed with the future, come to Elder Research. But until then, happy April Fools’ and have a wonderful day.